from now on my penis is your penis
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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