Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
