Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
