You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
