Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
