dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
