are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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