May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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