I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
