Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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