tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
