He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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