Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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