I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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