I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
