i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I love having hate sex.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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