omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
