you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
