I cannot find my penis.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
