If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
