Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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