tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize