found the other keg... it's in the tree
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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