my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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