i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
