His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
