This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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