What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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