Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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