but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
