Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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