3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
