dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
