4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
