Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
