I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
