1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
