I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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