Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
