Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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