WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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