fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is classic penis vs brain.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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