he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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