I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
is that a dick in a sweater?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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