I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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