On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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