Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
