There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
