wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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