I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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