wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
