Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
