Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think my mom watched the whole time
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
