I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
