I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize