These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
