dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
