conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
