Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
