She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
