Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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