Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
