Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
