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• (305): View more from Florida

  Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.

  (509): View more from Washington

  Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.

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