Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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