I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i believe in u and ur pee
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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