You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
