If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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