Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
